Friday, December 28, 2007


Yes, its been a while since I’ve blogged…almost 7 months. I’m back now(hopefully), Its been a bag of emotions the past few months and I’ve definitely seen better days but that’s life as they say.

I’m moving to India, Amchi Mumbai to be more precise. Its supposed to be a new beginning, a new life yada yada yada, but I cant bring myself to “let go.” Its like being thrown into an unknown world of things, places and people I don’t want to make an attempt or an effort to get to know, I don’t want to be thrown out of my shell here in Dubai, I cant imagine life without my friends who over the years have become closer than family, It’s sort of like losing my identity… But then again I should be making an effort, shouldn’t I? A question I ask myself every single freakin day. My mother says it will be a “good change,” Something I don’t believe rather something I don’t want to believe in. Even then I should be making an effort, shouldn’t I? It’s the only way to be happier in a new place as most of my family members tell me, but do I want to be happy? Will I be able to be happy without my comfort zone?

I decided to make an effort; I went to Bombay for five days and four nights. My new school was the complete opposite of Modern, something I don’t know if I should be proud of or not. =S. I got bitten by a gazillion mosquitoes, got my heart broken and flew back to Dubai.

I don’t know what I want, I don’t want to move from here and that is something I can’t have. Will I be able to live through it? My friends say I will but I don’t know if I can. A sea of uncertainties is what my mind is swimming in right now, and I can’t bring myself to do anything about it! I used my blog to vent out my feelings, unfortunately I lack good vocabulary to make my post more “interesting” but then again I just needed to let it out.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Infertile Mother

Surrounded by barren pain
Stinging tears
Crashed hopes
And emotional drain

Her eyes burn with fire
Free from happiness
Her heart heavily hollow
No one can fulfill her desire

The cruel comments come one after another
She wants to be lonely
Knowing she can’t give birth to a new life
Knowing she is leading the life of an infertile mother.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

A reason to live

A reason to live. A few of us reach a point in our lives when we want a reason to live, rather we need a reason to live.
The torture is insufferable.
Life is a whole glob of mess and disarray.
Everything just seems bitter.
You become bitter.
You want to be free like a bird released from a cage.
You want to be loved.
You want to sit alongside a rainbow, with colours filling you in.
You don’t want bitterness, regrets, broken love, hopelessness, rejection, depression and isolation to be a part of you.
You want happy songs and days of pure unlimited bliss.
You want emerald grass to tickle your feet and the wind to brush a stroke of relief against you.
And you still want a reason to live.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

I wish...

I wish I knew you and you knew me.

You seem unreal even though you’re a few miles away.

I dream you into life and it makes me smile.

You irritate me the most without you knowing it.

At the same time you unintentionally make happy.

Our conversations have decreased to a full stop.

I cant remember what you look like anymore.

I’m trying to come back to reality.

Its going to be a long, hard way.


I still wish I knew you and you knew me.

Monday, March 12, 2007

What if?

What if the world was flat?

What if the skies didn’t exist?

What if I never found love?

What if I died tomorrow?

What if I couldn’t feel pain?

What if I couldn’t feel happiness?

What if I couldn’t feel both?

What if I numbed myself?

What if there was no war or violence?

What if peace didn’t live?

What if water tasted bitter?

What if air didn’t have oxygen?

What if God couldn’t take the time to bless us?

What if by being wrong I save a life?

What if the sun rose from the west?

What if I started seeing upside down?

What if I didn’t believe in life?

What if there was no life?

What if my building came crashing down?

What if I told you I’m right and you’re wrong?

What if I felt like I was loosing control of myself?

What if there was no love?

What if …….

The list goes on….”what if’s?” are thoughts we cant get out of our minds…they give us hope or just really put us off life itself. I cant imagine thinking without what if’s…can you?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Cupid Hearts & Valentines

Till date I couldn’t exactly understand what the hype was all about. Valentines day never really mattered that much to me cause I believe you can express your love for your loved ones at any time you want. So to understand all the hype I decided to do a little research…For those of you who have absolutely no idea why this “oh-so-special” day is celebrated, read on!

The origins of Valentine's Day trace back to the ancient Roman celebration of Lupercalia. Held on February 15, Lupercalia honored the gods Lupercus and Faunus, as well as the legendary founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus.

In addition to a bountiful feast, Lupercalia festivities are purported to have included the pairing of young women and men. Men would draw women's names from a box, and each couple would be paired until next year's celebration.

While this pairing of couples set the tone for today's holiday, it wasn't called "Valentine's Day" until a priest named Valentine came along. Valentine, a romantic at heart, disobeyed Emperor Claudius II's decree that soldiers remain bachelors. Claudius handed down this decree believing that soldiers would be distracted and unable to concentrate on fighting if they were married or engaged. Valentine defied the emperor and secretly performed marriage ceremonies. As a result of his defiance, Valentine was put to death on February 14.

Another legend has it that Valentine was an imprisoned man who fell in love with his jailor's daughter. Before he was put to death he sent the first 'valentine' himself when he wrote her a letter and signed it 'Your Valentine', words still used on cards today.

According to Roman mythology, Cupid was the son of Venus, the goddess of love and beauty. Cupid was known to cause people to fall in love by shooting them with his magical arrows. But Cupid didn't just cause others to fall in love - he himself fell deeply in love. As legend has it, Cupid fell in love with a mortal maiden named Psyche. Cupid married Psyche, but Venus, jealous of Psyche's beauty, forbade her daughter-in-law to look at Cupid. Psyche, of course, couldn't resist temptation and sneaked a peek at her handsome husband. As punishment, Venus demanded that she perform three hard tasks, the last of which caused Psyche's death.
Cupid brought Psyche back to life and the gods, moved by their love, granted Pysche immortality. Cupid thus represents the heart and Psyche the (struggles of the) human soul.


-->Over 1 billion Valentine cards are sent in the U.S each year. 85% of all valentines are purchased by women. Parents receive 1 out of every 5 valentines.

-->About 15% of women in the US send themselves flowers on Valentines (?!?)

-->Worldwide, over 50 million roses are given for Valentine's Day each year.

-->Red roses are the single most popular flower to give on Valentine's Day. Although they may all look the same to the untrained eye, there are actually more than 900 varieties of dark-red and medium-red rose

-->Chinese Valentine's Day is not celebrated on February 14, but on the seventh day of the seventh month of the Chinese lunar calendar. This year it will be August 25.

-->It's traditional to sign a Valentine's Day card with Xs to represent kisses, but what's the origin of this practice? It's believed to have started in Medieval times, when people who could not write were allowed to sign documents with an X, which they then kissed to prove their sincerity. Over time, the Xs became associated with kisses.

For all you valentine-less people please go visit :)

Happy Valentines Day!!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Holes, Voids and Empty spaces

Holes, voids and empty spaces. They split you into a million different pieces.
They can shatter your sanity. They can rip your soul out.
They can make you feel abandoned and unwanted.
They make you feel like no one identifies with you.
They make you realize how saline your tears taste and how bad they sting.
They motivate you to get back together the bits and pieces that were split at one point of time. They inspire to become emotionally stronger, keep you sane and protect your soul beneath the underlying layers of mended holes and closed empty spaces. They make you feel wanted, if not by anyone else but at least by yourself. They inspire you to identify with yourself and instead of other people identifying with you, you start wanting to identify with other people. They make you realize that your tears aren’t worth for something you have lost but have a high value of making you tough.
These empty spaces, lie in each one of us…Ready to be exposed and it’s up to us to mend them and put them behind us. Some of us cover them up but in reality we are to scared to fix them.
I have seen a few of my friends, who have covered, unfixed souls and they suffer silently. I pray for them to secure themselves and give themselves a chance. A real chance.

Saturday, January 20, 2007


You might see it somewhere in the school magazine, if it gets selected. Anyhow...Enjoy reading....!!

A choice, that’s what I had to make. I drove my beat-up convertible down the road. The sunlight filtered through the orange, auburn and ginger leaves of the maple trees and the soft rays rested on my soul. I felt a sense of happiness after a long time, I was surrounded by isolated peace and there was a hint of jazz playing in the background, I immersed myself in this ambiance suitably forgetting the choice I had made.

Without myself realizing it I had reached the parking lot of Saint Michaels Hospital. As I forced myself to make my way to the intensive care unit, room number 1357. My legs were wobbly, an uneasy and fretful feeling swept over my body like an ice cold wave. Soon, I was at door number 1357 turning the doorknob, my hands were damp with fear, my eyes were trying hard not to let the tears drop down. I had to be brave. I opened the door and entered the room. A heartbreaking silence filled the room; I looked at my brother as he lied there powerlessly. He was my best friend and companion. We were orphaned at a young and tender age, and have been each other’s weakness and strength since then. It killed me to see him lie there, asking for salvation. He had been the victim of a drunken driver accident that had left him brain dead. He had been hooked onto a life supporter machine, I had been told not to hope as there was a very little chance of recovery. The doctors told me he couldn’t hear me, but I knew in my heart that he could and I spent every afternoon reading his much loved poems.

Precisely 7 days ago I was told that there was no hope and I had to make a choice – To give me brother freedom and get those tubes and needle of off him or to leave him there begging for mercy. I was told that there were other patients who could use this machine as they had hope. I looked into my brothers’ brown eyes that once showed the dreams of becoming a doctor himself. They were filled with dread and wanted to escape. As much as I didn’t want him to leave me, I made the decision of setting him free, for he had a right to fly just like the rest of us.

Today was the last day of us being together. I kissed his hand good-bye. My eyes couldn’t control themselves as I felt the tears drop, the time had come, and the doctors switched off the machine. I knew I had lost the most precious thing in this world but in knew my brother would forever be in my heart. And then he was just gone in a moment.

That afternoon I read his poems to myself sitting in a park, all by myself... As I looked towards the green lush grass that shone in under sunbeams as if someone has sprinkled broken glass pieces all over the grass, I thought to myself that choices are a way of life that we all have to accept. Choices can make you or break you. Our lives depend on the choices we make and the choices we make depend on the life we want to lead. Our decisions can be rewarding and worthwhile or just disappointing, unsatisfactory and emotionally wrenching; at the end of our journey we all go back to the maker of it all – God. Our choices give us the right to fly and soar the skies, we all have once dreamed of. I stared at a bird flying gaily overhead, and that gave me a sign and sense of satisfaction that my brother had reached a place where he wanted to be.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Blogger's Break

Well, I haven’t been updating my blog and a few of my friends have been waiting for me to do so. Sorry to let you guys down but I’m taking a break for a while because I have things going on in my life that I’m trying to cope with. Once all this shit stops, and when I can start thinking straight again….I will be back.

“Sometimes, it's hard to say no if you really mean yes. It's hard to close our eyes if we really want to see. It's hard to forget if we really can't. The hardest is to go if we really want to stay.”