Sunday, November 02, 2008

Letting it "be"

Letting it be.
Seriously, like just letting things be the way they are. How hard is it? Or how hard do we make it to be?

Easier said than done, right?

"Forget about it, let it be"
How many times have we heard this, and said, "Yeah, I'm just going to let things be the way they are" And how many times do we actually listen to ourselves?

We care too much to just "let it be," so would letting it be make us careless about the situation?
The brain is repeatedly being reminded of the same thing. That nagging thought at the back of your head.

Thoughts, the same frikking thoughts rotating like clothes being tossed about in a washing machine. Like that annoying song stuck in your head the whole day. Like the annoying fly that keeps buzzing around your ear even though you keep trying to shoo it away. The nagging thought just doesn’t leave.

Do you want it to leave? Wouldn't "letting it be" become easier then?

Does that "something" or "someone" give you that annoyingly sick comfort, in some way or the other?

Thinking that you can change the situation, knowing that you can’t. Puts you in a fix doesn’t it?

So can you let things just be? Or can you not? Does it make you seem like a careless, indifferent person or an overthinking pathetic loser?

Is there something in between? Shades of grey? A normal person who can be both?

Sixteen years and I'm still trying to figure it out.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Going Home

Imagine a huge, heavy rock being lifted off of your head.

Imagine being under water for a time long enough to nearly kill you, and then that relief you get back from emerging from under water gasping air, that first breath you take after being suffocated under water.

Imagine walking, dragging your feet across the sand in the middle of an isolated desert, wishing for a drop of water as the heat burns your clothes to your skin, and when you get that gulp of water, in that moment you forget everything , relish each molecule of water slipping down your throat.

So it sounds damn melodramatic but thats what I felt when I landed in Dubai on the 24th of October.

It felt so so so so so so so so good to just be home and what made it better was that my best friend made it the airport to pick me up despite the flight getting delayed by more that 2 hours. Four full days in Dubai, I forgot all about bombay, JNS, IB and all the other Bombay shit. "Living in the present" is what they call it, and honestly for the first time I think I managed to do just that. Not a thought about when I was going to leave nor about how it was when I left Bombay. Just being there with my friends was enough. I cant believe how unbelievably lucky I am to have such brilliant friends who did all that they could to spend time with me, even though they were busy with school and work.... Thanks guys =)

Undoubtedly the best days I've had since I've moved here, I even woke up today morning thinking I was still in Dubai with this huge grin on my face only to open my eyes and realize I was back in Bombay. I felt really really stupid after that. Anyhow, I managed to overcome the "hate" I had for Bombay, I came back with a happy, satisfied mind. And I haven't felt this good in ages. Dubai will always be they say home is where the heart is, but right now I'm in Bombay and I'm happy.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Forgive me

I can finally feel it now. Partially.
I can feel it partially. I want to it to be whole.Not one, but Two-sided.
But as my Luck goes,
It never going to be whole.
Should I be sad, like a gloomy rain-less day?
should I feel happy because it's partial?
Should I look at the glass empty or half full? Either way, the glass is going to break, and the shards will pierce my heart and maybe, just maybe,hopefully not, another heart as well.
It's life they say. Or maybe it's just me feeling totally retarded.
It's phase, apparently. Well, honestly I'm sick of "phases" and nothing working out.
It's too good to be true -- for me to just have you as a part of my life.
And I'm just going to push you away.
Forgive me.
I love you from the depths of my heart and being,
Forgive me.

Monday, September 15, 2008


Who i used to be. I could feel, I could cry, I could feel joy, I could laugh carelessly. I had my friends with me. Late night phone calls. Frantic last minute exam preparations. Sleep-overs with cold left over pizza's and movie marathons. Freedom to be me.

Restricted, hurt, unable to emote. Forced smiles, they all say it will get better with time. Ha. I think not. Lonely nights, bittersweet memories. Thats all I got left for now. The person I've become.

Who am I? What has become of me?