Saturday, May 09, 2009

Raindrops

It's raining. His favourite time of the year. She was sitting on the footpath, hugging her knees. Shivering. It was way past midnight, she ran her fingers through her wet, soaked hair. She remembered his strong fingers that once ran through her hair, pulled her close to him. She hugged her knees closer. It made her warmer, just like he used to make her feel.

The rain started pouring harder, the wind started moving faster, her pulse increased, just the way it did when he whispered in her ear. She rested her chin on her knees, closed her eyes. She saw blackness, nothing ahead of her. She opened her eyes, rain drops sticking on her eyelids, she stared into nothingness.

The cold didnt bother her, she wore a black dress. The one he gifted her on her birthday. Raindrops trickled down her bare back like velvet, just like his kisses flowed down her back. She looked down at her feet, mud splattered. Her legs, cleanly waxed stared back at her. She was reminded of the way their legs tangled, his skin on hers.

She hid her face in her palms, felt her breath. She wanted so badly to feel his hot breath. The night was becoming darker, so was her heart. Tears fell down her face, her eyeliner smudged as her tears got mixed with the raindrops and fell down into the the puddle next to which her black-strapped heeled feet were rested. The moon began to make its way throught the clouds, she hoped to see her reflection in the puddle, the moonlight gave her a sense of hope, she looked down at the puddle only to see his reflection, his dark brown eyes staring back hers.

[ So this is post is just a "scene" that popped up in my head when a friend mentioned the word "rain." 100% fictional, honest feedback is appreciated ]

24 comments:

Mathew said...

Man, this post totally made my heart race. I personally, could actually feel the sadness. You should totally write scripts. Beautiful piece. =)

Menaka said...

Heyyyyy raynoo! awsome stuff, i could actually picture the scene, and ws waiting for the guy with tht girl. But the cleanly waxed parts lil scary:P.

misss ya..

mini

Grace said...

i loved it...
it made me feel tingly all over...
The way you have written it has a realy striking effect on the reader....
and if the reader is single, imagining like crazy...
loads of imagery...
i loved it...love ur imagination!!!!
sweetheart!!!! you rock!!!!
wahooooo
and i agree with the last comment.....you should try writing scripts.....
try out lyrics too!!!
love your work.....

Nishant said...

Honest feedback ?

I think it didn't flow entirely when you wrote it. I think you had a moment when you had to stop and think about what you were to say next.

You decide whether that is good or bad.

Rayna said...

Nishant... yeah man, I had trouble finding words in between, I could feel it but I had trouble finding the words.

Dolly said...

rayna!

i loved it..i could actually imagine the scene..
although the 'waxed legs' and 'eyeliner' thing kind of ruined the flow..
but chak go STUDY >.<

all the best..waiting for ur next post :P

eldewen calewiel said...

i like....bt depressing..I WANT RAIN!!!!!! the heat is pissing me off!!i agree with menaka ..cleanly waxed was jaraa too much info....
the eyeliner part was alright..it added to the despondency of the situation.
you are sooooo on my press team..whether u like it or not.. :)

Gauri said...

Monsoons make me insanely happy and infectiously cheerful. I would enjoy reading your stuff more if it had the same effect on you :) But congrats on the good writing.

siddhansh_sarkar said...

heyyyyy....this post really touched my heart......amasin stuff....keep ritin..god bless u...=)

Tasneem said...

Rayna,i really liked it.
I thought the waxed leg part was just fine.It seemed original to me because it's her thoughts.. and well girls do have weird thoughts:)

Rayna said...

Niyati... dude press team ? ur kidding i hope.
Sidhuuu! thanks =)
Gauri... I love the rains too man, but this isnt about me, "fictional" story..
Tasneem !! thanks. I didnt the waxed legs was weird either. :P

School said...

hehe.. cleanly waxed legs?! no but thing is it was a very visual post.. like cause of your fine details i could realy picture the scene..
like it would be a perfect scene in a movie.. so im just checking.. but the guy is dead right?
in terms of like picturing this, twas very clear. but in terms of reading it.. i dunno i think it seemed forced? if that makes sense.. but all in all..i like :) im always into emo shitt :P anything that makes me crryy!! hehe
*resh*

Rayna said...

Resh... Well its an open scene man , u want the guy to be dead he could be dead. But when i wrote it, i was thinking, the guy just left her... shes broken hearted, misses him.. he crushed her...

It partially forced, mid way thru it sorta was...i couldnt find the words..

khyati said...

rayna this is lik the bomb.. it was so sexc...
it lik almost got tears in my eyes..
its so hot dude..
aaa..
n u say u dnt lik eng.. pah.. hahahaha

Anonymous said...

*burp*

Aparna said...

I loved it :)The way you've written it - I could actually feel what she was feeling. And Mathew's right!

But it just freaks me out a bit that the word 'rain' makes you think of things like this. It's normally on the happier side :P

And what's wrong with joining the press team? :P I think you should.

Shalaka said...

I agree with most of the other people who've commented.

I could actually SEE it happening The rain, the girl, the dress, the moonlight, everything. Some amazing stuff!

Even if you couldn't find the words, you still managed to put it forward pretty vividly, so that's pretty awesome =)

Sonia said...

IF THIS WAS A MOVIE, I'D SAY OSCAR NOW.

I can totally see this in a movie, it's a very visual post. Makes you use your imagination. I really love it.

Though I think that at some parts the writing is a little forced, but i don;t think it affects the visual appeal of the piece.

Lovely Rayna.

Sorry I took so long to do this. =)

Sonia said...

i just realized how screwed up my english was in that post. Sheesh

srmyxx said...

<3

rushil said...

wow!!!i nevewr knew u write!?!?!but then y do u get tangled up in assignments??this is great!!

eldewen calewiel said...

kill the guy..its less depressing then...and more sad..if u get wat i mean.and u ARE on my press team...:P

Rayna said...

No i want the guy to have ditched her for someone else. The pain is much more.... her feeling for that love is intensified coz he's alive, makes it harder...if u get what i mean...
Rushil... thanks man... my assignments arent that tangled up :P

eelkilssome said...

you have a point there...but then that makes him such a bitch ...besides it shud make her pissed not sad...but then not everyone is a sbellicose as me ;)